Cool Jokes

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What this Page is For This page is for my own jokes that you can copy for free anytime. Laugh out lould all you want just have fun! You can send me your own jokes if you want at "Poliu20@aol.com".
Great Jokes ______________________________ A docter of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient A sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient B was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked Patient Number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient A what Patient B was doing. Patient A replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient B's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient A, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself." Patient A replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
______________________________ A rather well-proportioned secreatary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for a overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard some one running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "no one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "you're lying on the dinning room skylight."
______________________________ There was a terrible fire in a factory that threatened to destroy some very expensive equipment and research. The owner of the factory told the firemen when they arrived that they must save his research. They said they would do their best. But the fire raged out of control, they called for more trucks and firemen, but couldn't get near the building because of the heat. The owner offered the firment $1,000 to save his building, but they couldn't do it. They called on all the fire departments in the area to help, but to no avail. Finally an old fire truck carrying volunteer firemen from the next town came screaming in, and the other firemen just laughed. The volunteers drove right past the other trucks, right into the heart of the building. They scrambled off the truck, got their hoses going, and got the fire under control. Later, the news media were asking the firemen what they were going to do with the reward money. The chief said, "Well, first off, we're going to get the damn brakes fixed on that truck."
______________________________ Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San diego Wild Animal Park. The Park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wagasa Bush Line. Here is the true story of how it got its name. They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffers had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for: "Who gives a shit anyhow?"
______________________________ An 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital's intensive-care unit, suffering from a peptic ulcer, a shock venouse lines were started and fluid infused, his vital signs improved rapidly. The nurses dramatically annouced the blood-pressure readings, starting at the shock level of 60 and increasing to "70...80...90..." There was no doubt about the patient's successful recovery when, in the midst of their intonations, he suddenly yelled, "When it gets to 110-SELL!"
______________________________ An airliner is flying New York to Pris and starts to develop major engine problems. The pilot advises everyone that the possibility exists that the plane will go down in the ocean. He tells the crew to prepare for a emergency landing. A few minutes later the piot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready. "All set back here, came the reply, except for one lawyer who is still handing out business cards."